DNF

"Time heals all wounds".

It's been 4 months since my DNF at IMC last August, where I spent 1 hr 20 mins in T2. I was dumbstruck, I couldn't comprehend what happened to me on the bike, and I feared what might occur on the run. "To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." Fear won out, and honestly, I was relieved to DNF.

The Chairman of the Board might croon "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention..." but the sting of DNF still lingers. In that moment, in that place and time, it was the right thing to do. Life is made up of a multitude of such moments. And with the passage of time, I look back on the movie of my life, from a perspective not known to me last August. Reviewing A day in my life.....

"I read the news today, oh boy
About an Ironman who had a rough day
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
There was no finish line photograph"

I should have left T2, and tried to finish what I started.

"Time wounds all heals."

I lived to see another day. Hopefully, "another day" will be IMC 2012, when I'll participate in my 14th consecutive Ironman Canada, and look for my 13th finish.

In previous Ironmans, I might be disappointed how slow I was, or how difficult it got for me. I'd cross the finish line half hearted, not appreciating the accomplishment.
But next August, the Tri Gods willing, I will respectfully redeem my awe and humilation of the event. I hope to defeat the demons of my DNF, even if it takes finishing past midnight.

My friend Kevin says there are 2 kinds of pain: The pain of discipline, and the pain of regret. The pain of my DNF still stings, and likely will until I cross that line next August.

In 1999 I was proud to join the Ironman finisher's club. In a way, I'm equally proud to be a member of the Ironman DNF club. Experiencing my DNF put Ironman Canada in perspective for me. As I get older, and slower, there will be a day when I won't be able to finish under 17 hours.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"

I bled that day in Penticton. But I'm alive, and I choose to Tri again. See you next August.